Marriage Advice - Civil Unrest In Marriage

The Problem

Mark and I are very different in many aspects. However, when it comes to planning for the future we always try to ensure that we are on the same page. Not only are we willing to listen to the other person’s dreams and make compromises, we have shared dreams. You need to ensure that you have shared dreams about your spiritual life, finances, career, furthering your education, purchasing a home or car, when to have children, how to raise your children, educating your children and the list goes on. If a house is divided against itself it will come to ruin. When we look at many countries that are constantly experiencing unrest, it is because of civil wars. There are opposing sides with varying views about how and who should govern their country.

Today, many marriages are like civil wars. The wife wants to send the kids to the school down the road and the husband wants to send them up the road. The wife wants an SUV and the husband insists on getting a sports car. The husband wants to vacation in the Caribbean and the wife wants to vacation in Europe. No one wants to compromise, no one thought of sitting down and having a civil conversation to explore what is better for the family at large.

Always remember that you cannot change the past but the future is what you make it. If you are experiencing civil unrest in your marriage make a decision to implement some changes today. Let us look at two solutions that can get you started. 

 The Solution - Consult Your Spouse

After seeing the heading “Consult Your Spouse,” some of you may be asking, “why should I, do you think I am a child?” Although we are not children this is a practice that can save you many disagreements. Consulting your spouse is not seeking their permission, it is “team work”, which allows you to make joint decisions that everyone can live with in the end. Bear in mind that our decisions do not only affect ourselves, but the other members in our family. You are no longer single. Look at it this way. If you constantly make poor independent financial decisions, your children my not be able to go to college, you may not be able to own a home as a family and the list goes on.

Another way of looking at this concept is “dreaming together”. We need to be dreaming together about the future and work towards it as a team. Many of our accomplishments were as a result of us dreaming together and over the years we have had many dreams. So, the next time you are about to make a family decision ensure that the parties involved have a say in the end result.

The Solution - Be Supportive

In the same way it is important to get the support of your family when making decisions, it is equally important to be supportive of your spouse’s ideas. If you constantly disregard or lessen the significance of your spouse’s dreams when he or she shares them with you, you do not give your spouse the confidence to seek your input. Your spouse will be tempted to go it alone. The next time you are tempted to be critical or negative take the time to work through the ideas. Look at the benefits and negatives together and allow your spouse to see for himself or herself if it is worth pursuing or not, then make a decision together. Sometimes you may not agree with an idea because of personal preference, if this is your general tendency you will continue to have civil unrest in your family. You too need to ensure that you are putting the overall need of your family above your personal likes and dislikes.

If you found this article to be helpful and are in need of additional marital advice on having a peaceful, loving and steaming hot relationship with your spouse? Click here to today!  If you also need information on how to avoid and survive infidelity, how to resolve conflicts in 15 minutes or less, how to be debt free and much more, Go Here.